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can't sleep
Well it is late at night and here I sit with my fingers tapping away one the computer typing all the useless thoughts going trough my head into my blog. I will type it and read it then maybe post it. I do not like to post much when I am depressed. More so when I am depressed and can’t put into words as to why. I guess it is just that I am on a down swing with the bipolar and we are adjusting my meds to try and flip me up out of the pit. I write a lot of poems about the pit we are old friends. If anyone is reading this and wants to see my poems just email me and I will send off a few.
This downtime is different than some of the others. All of us are down and for those of you who do not know I have DID (Dissociative Identity disorder) that just means I have multiple personalities in my case 4. Katherine who is 10 and mad as hell that the rest of us do not feel like going out to play. So I guess we know why she is down. Megan Fay who is 32 our spiritual leader so to speak and a quiet soul. Cheryl and Mouse are like twins or the two halves of a whole and are age 44. Anyway back to why this time is different. I have been happy I just can’t enjoy it. We are having some money issues and Don has asked me not to spend as much and I have cut way down on that. I just fell I need to put my card away and stop all together. I have put it away I just keep getting the dang thing back out. Maybe I will give it to Don to hold that way when I want to use it I have someone who is not shopping just for a short high to be a voice of reason. I think my going back to having cash not cards to spend with will help with this part of the depression. I have been upset over the fact that we have not cut back as much as Don would like us to. No fights over money yet but they may be coming. Don and I have not argued in along time wonder if we will remember how.
You would think I would be over the mood today since I spent it with Lee’s family who I do not get to see as often as I would like. We went to the zoo and had a wonderful time new pictures to be posted soon of this zoo trip and the one last weekend with out Taylor girl. I have Taylor a lot of the time and she is a hand full. Such a great kid though. I caught myself thinking today that it was such a good day with the kids and grandkids that I had no right to be unhappy. It is not even that I was unhappy I was just happy from the bottom of the pit. Lee had such a great time showing Alex all the animals. Stephanie and I played with baby Roxie, Celeste was not there but we will take her next time. I have season passes for the zoo. It was a great day with me walking around in the pit.
Got home spent some time with Don over at Mike and Kathy Z. house. Went to Fry’s and then to dinner at the sushi place. Then came home and rested from the day for a bit before taking a test for an online class I am taking I got an 88. I wanted a 100. I am so tired right now I can’t even begin to explain why though. I mean I took all of my sleeping meds and laid there quietly for two hours still no sleep so I am up doing this and I will be tired when I have Taylor tomorrow and the cycle of no sleep watch small child anyway never ends even when your kids grow up. Once you are a Mom you never sleep the same again.
Well all this did was help me figure out what to do about my shopping habit. I am still in the pit with a bit less on my mind going to post this and then try and sleep some more.
This downtime is different than some of the others. All of us are down and for those of you who do not know I have DID (Dissociative Identity disorder) that just means I have multiple personalities in my case 4. Katherine who is 10 and mad as hell that the rest of us do not feel like going out to play. So I guess we know why she is down. Megan Fay who is 32 our spiritual leader so to speak and a quiet soul. Cheryl and Mouse are like twins or the two halves of a whole and are age 44. Anyway back to why this time is different. I have been happy I just can’t enjoy it. We are having some money issues and Don has asked me not to spend as much and I have cut way down on that. I just fell I need to put my card away and stop all together. I have put it away I just keep getting the dang thing back out. Maybe I will give it to Don to hold that way when I want to use it I have someone who is not shopping just for a short high to be a voice of reason. I think my going back to having cash not cards to spend with will help with this part of the depression. I have been upset over the fact that we have not cut back as much as Don would like us to. No fights over money yet but they may be coming. Don and I have not argued in along time wonder if we will remember how.
You would think I would be over the mood today since I spent it with Lee’s family who I do not get to see as often as I would like. We went to the zoo and had a wonderful time new pictures to be posted soon of this zoo trip and the one last weekend with out Taylor girl. I have Taylor a lot of the time and she is a hand full. Such a great kid though. I caught myself thinking today that it was such a good day with the kids and grandkids that I had no right to be unhappy. It is not even that I was unhappy I was just happy from the bottom of the pit. Lee had such a great time showing Alex all the animals. Stephanie and I played with baby Roxie, Celeste was not there but we will take her next time. I have season passes for the zoo. It was a great day with me walking around in the pit.
Got home spent some time with Don over at Mike and Kathy Z. house. Went to Fry’s and then to dinner at the sushi place. Then came home and rested from the day for a bit before taking a test for an online class I am taking I got an 88. I wanted a 100. I am so tired right now I can’t even begin to explain why though. I mean I took all of my sleeping meds and laid there quietly for two hours still no sleep so I am up doing this and I will be tired when I have Taylor tomorrow and the cycle of no sleep watch small child anyway never ends even when your kids grow up. Once you are a Mom you never sleep the same again.
Well all this did was help me figure out what to do about my shopping habit. I am still in the pit with a bit less on my mind going to post this and then try and sleep some more.
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About
open the circle and walk in
all is protected by the Goddess of love and God of war. Blessed are you that enter as friends. Cursed are you if you enter with evilness and meanness in your words. This is a sacred place of all beliefs, dreams and hopes. The door is open to the student as well as the master. please share all you know. We hold to the rules of do what you will and harm none. We honor all life and living things like our beloved mother Earth. We will not do anything evil or mean knowing that it will return to us 3 times.
So Merry Met
Have fun, add what youwill
Merry part
If you must go but please come back so we can
Merry met again.
So Merry Met
Have fun, add what youwill
Merry part
If you must go but please come back so we can
Merry met again.
Blog Posts
Ok I am going put this out to the Ningverse.
Ok I am going put this out to the Ningverse. And see what comes to me. Last time I put something out it was to as for a place to be. That failed. O was told not to do so in some places. Many telling of good thoughts. Sending of well wishes and luck, but in this day and age those are words that have little worth within the social structure. And can hardly be spend for the items we need. So in Virginia I am, with items in Ohio and the trailer in Michigan.
I have been a Renaissance Fare/Medieval Ar… Continue
I have been a Renaissance Fare/Medieval Ar… Continue
Posted by Traveler on December 26, 2009 at 11:07pm — 1 Comment
My Test Blog Post
Just trying to see if this thing works. eating disorder treatments
Its good to be here.
Its good to be here.
Posted by missysandra on December 13, 2009 at 9:44pm
To All Members, a awaring about some sites
I first wanted to be sister site with Mystic Moon, I never talk to the creator but her hand maids who told me about what they want for sister sites. I did not know that there would be a problem okay and instead of being nice about it Pamela cut me down. I read her notes to me. She use big words and mean things. I read what I wrote down here and I said because they were nothing nice at all in what she said that she did not like me and she got mad because I said that. This is the note she left on… Continue
Posted by efareyss on December 9, 2009 at 11:30pm
Blessed Yule time( song)
As you decorative your house,
As you head out those parties,
As you sung those Yule time carols,
Remember me.
As you lite those xmas candles,
As you hang those xmas lights.
As you sand under xmas street post
Remember me.
Remember me, I'm alone one
I'm the poor one. I am the one that
stands looking in at you
Remember me , I'm alone one, I'm the poor one
I am the one that stands looking in at you
So when you started to be happy and merry
Take a moment to help me I'm the poor one, the alone one… Continue
As you head out those parties,
As you sung those Yule time carols,
Remember me.
As you lite those xmas candles,
As you hang those xmas lights.
As you sand under xmas street post
Remember me.
Remember me, I'm alone one
I'm the poor one. I am the one that
stands looking in at you
Remember me , I'm alone one, I'm the poor one
I am the one that stands looking in at you
So when you started to be happy and merry
Take a moment to help me I'm the poor one, the alone one… Continue
Posted by EfareyS on December 1, 2009 at 4:45am
It is not illegal to ask question
No matter what you heard it is not illegal to ask question and seek answers. That is why the creator gave us a brain, If he wanted us just to take in every thing like a sponge and stop think then he would not have created us like we were and are. I ask a question and got taken down for it. I called my boss and he laugh. As a paralegal you should know the asking questions is not wrong. So I am going to ask Beside Scott Cuttingham and Uncle Buckeland are there any other forms of wiccan out there.… Continue
Posted by efareyss on November 26, 2009 at 7:07am
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